A Path Through the Dark
by Elizaellen
Summary: This is a modern day fanfic. Grief can leave us alone, isolated in the darkness. This is a truth Michaela Quinn knows only too well since the passing of her father. At her fiance's request, Michaela joins a support group setting in motion events that will change her life and give her a light in the dark.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**_

**A Path Through the Dark**

_**A modern day Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman FanFic**_

**Chapter One**

A large harvest moon hung in the October sky casting an unnerving glow on the night landscape. The homes on each side of the road touted pumpkins and mums dripping down large steps cut into the hillside. Long shadows from elm trees fell over the street so that most of the sidewalk was hidden in shadow. The neighborhood was affluent but the street lamps were more for decoration than function. Michaela silently wished there had been a closer parking space. She snuggled deeper into her coat unsure if the sudden shiver was from the eerie scene or the quickly falling temperatures. The thought of returning to her car was very tempting but she knew better than to even consider it.

Things had to change. Everyday she grew more distant and David became more insistent that she seek some sort of help. He had suggested everything from drugs to therapy, all of which Michaela refused. Earlier this week he'd arrived home to find her balled up on the couch, sobbing, and watching old home movies. The fight that ensued was the worst yet and Michaela knew that for the sake of her relationship with David, she had to do something.

The flyer had been hanging in the break room at the hospital for weeks but two days ago was the first time Michaela had paid it any mind. A grief support group seemed harmless enough and when she mentioned it to David, he was visibly thrilled. She would go weekly and it would get David off her back for now at least. Maybe she would even pick up some tips on how to get past her father's death. She wasn't expecting much though. If the truth was known, Michaela didn't have much of a desire to get over her father's death. It was far easier to wallow in it.

Michaela looked up and frowned at the red door of the Community Center coming ever closer. She stopped and took a deep breath. There was no turning back now. With a new resolve, she tucked her chin back into the warmth of her coat and quickened her pace. It wasn't long before she found herself pulling the red door open and stepping inside. The lobby was warm and painted in bright colors that made Michaela think of the Children's Hospital at Memorial.

A board near the entrance announced the room numbers of different group meetings. Michaela stood before it letting her eyes wander over the numerous offerings. There was a yoga class that met at the same time as her grief group and she thought momentarily about going to that instead. Yoga could be therapeutic- couldn't it? She actually laughed at herself before committing to memory the room number of the grief group.

It was easy to find. The room was at the end of the main hallway – a large room that Michaela thought would have been reserved for a much larger group. She entered tentatively and smiled when she saw a familiar face.

"Michaela," Will greeted her warmly. "David told me to expect you." Michaela silently rejoiced that she had not chosen the yoga group.

"I didn't know this was your group, Will."

Will nodded with a knowing look in his eye and hoped she wouldn't use this as an excuse to leave. "I'm just here to facilitate things. It's not my group. It belongs to all of us." He swept his hand wide to indicate the other occupants of the room.

Michaela raised her eyebrows sardonically and smiled. "Nice one Will."

He patted her on the shoulder. "Give me a break – I am a psychiatrist." They both laughed and Michaela began to relax. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad. "Come on, let me introduce you to your buddy."

"Buddy?" Michaela had already halted her steps, ready to take back her last thought. A buddy sounded downright like middle school, a particularly painful period in Michaela's life, not something she wanted to repeat.

"Come on," Will cajoled. "Everyone in the group partners up with someone else. That way when we feel really bogged down in this whole healing process, we have someone we can talk to, someone who understands." Michaela moved reluctantly as she mulled over his words. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have someone to talk to. David certainly didn't understand. "Normally I partner women with other women but we happen to be uneven right now."

"Uneven?" Michaela's brow furrowed as they moved into the circle of chairs.

Will didn't have time to explain though as they arrived at their destination where two gentlemen stood. They halted their conversation as she and Will arrived. "Robert E, Sully." He shook their hands as he spoke their names and then stepped aside so that Michaela couldn't hide behind him.

"I would like you both to meet a friend of mine, Michaela Quinn. She is going to be joining us."

Robert E offered his hand and Michaela shook it. "Name's Robert E," he said with a smile, then laughed a bit. "The E part comes from having a father with the same name – needed a way to know which one they were talking about."

Michaela smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Robert E."

"And this is Sully. " Will turned his attention fully to Sully now. "I thought you and Michaela could partner up."

Michaela looked expectantly at her new partner but he didn't seem too thrilled with the idea. "Alright," he said, his voice void of enthusiasm.

Will looked down at his watch. "Yikes, it's past time to get started. Why don't you all take a seat?"

Michaela was uncertain whether to follow Will or just take a seat with Sully and Robert E. In the end, she followed the guys and found herself seated between Sully and another gentlemen with a long face that reminded her of a horse.

Will took a seat as the others began to settle down. He smiled at those seated in the circle and Michaela found that she was glad Will was leading this group. William Burke was one of the first doctors at Memorial who had befriended her and while he was also friendly with David, Michaela knew it was only because they were friends. She did feel a little betrayed that David had spoken to him about her attendance but there was no need to make a big deal out of it as it would only lead to another fight.

"Welcome everyone. I'm so glad to see so many of us here tonight. And I am happy to announce we have a new member joining us tonight." He looked across at Michaela as he spoke. "I would like you all to meet Michaela Quinn." Several eyes met hers and Michaela felt her cheeks redden but she tried to look friendly even giving a little wave of her hand.

"As many of you are aware, the holidays are descending on us rather quickly. I had planned tonight to begin to talk about some coping strategies to get us through this particularly difficult time of year but that can wait. Since we have a new member, I thought we might have a sharing time tonight.." There was a collective groan and it made Michaela want to join in. She didn't feel much like sharing. She really wanted to just sit here unnoticed being told how she should feel rather than sharing how she actually did feel.

Will wasn't fazed by their groan but appeared invigorated by it. Just like a psychiatrist, she thought to herself. This was the precise reason she did not want to go to therapy. Michaela crossed her arms over her chest and slouched in her chair, hoping she would not be called on to go first because she was new. Will caught her eye and gave her a crooked grin making her heart race in fear.

"Dorothy, would you mind starting us off?" Will turned to look at the redhead as Michaela sighed in relief.

The redhead cleared her throat and sat forward a little. "My name's Dorothy," she said looking at Michaela as if Will had not just given her name. "I lost my sister earlier this year." She paused, looking down at the floor so that her next words were hard to hear. "Her name was Maude and she was my angel." She raised her head, carefully choosing her next words. "She's the one who took care of me when I had to leave my husband. She's the one who got me out." Dorothy stopped again this time a pained look coming over her face. "She had courage for me and her and I just miss her so much. And I'm worried that I'll go back to Marcus without Maude here and I know I shouldn't but sometimes I am so lonely."

The hurried words stopped abruptly. Michaela's brow furrowed as the woman's eyes seemed to bore into her. No she wasn't looking at Michaela. She was looking at Sully but Sully would not look up.

She cleared her throat and gave a little shake of her head as if she was disappointed. "In addition, my niece, Maude's only daughter, was killed in a car accident about two months ago."

Will patted her on the back but was looking at Sully. "Thank you Dorothy for sharing your story." Others in the circle mumbled their thanks as well. The doctor sat forward a little as he looked around the circle. "Okay, who wants to go next?"

"I'll go." The voice came from an African American woman who looked to be a few years older than Michaela. Her hair was in a short Afro that was very becoming to her. Beside her sat Robert E, his hand resting on her leg. She too spoke as if only to Michaela. "My name's Grace and this is my husband, Robert E." There was a deep southern accent that made the words drawl out in a funny like way that Michaela found she liked to listen to. "We've been married for about ten years now. And we've been trying to have a baby for almost that long." She laughed nervously and Michaela could tell that she was trying to avoid crying. "I can get pregnant but I just can't stay pregnant." She started losing the battle with her tears.

Robert E wrapped his arm around her and took over. "We finally thought we were gonna get our miracle. Grace carried our Henry to almost six months when she went into premature labor. For two days he clung to life and then…" Michaela watched his face wrinkle up, his mouth contorting into a grimace.

"He tried hard." The narrative passed back to Grace. "But he grew wings and flew to heaven."

Michaela saw others in the circle dabbing at their eyes and it was only then that she realized that there were tears on her own cheeks. Hastily she wiped them away and rocked back in her chair. She caught a glimpse of Sully then and she saw one lone tear falling. It sort of hovered half way down his cheek, the path illuminated by the overhead lights. It intrigued Michaela but when she realized he was watching her she turned away remembering their prickly beginning.

Will's voice was kind but strong as he affirmed what they were sharing. "Thank you Robert E and Grace. I know this story is hard to tell… and to hear." Once again, Will looked at Sully with no result. "Thank you for sharing your courage."

His eyes flew around the circle once again and this time they landed on the young man and woman that Michaela has noticed earlier and she wondered if they too were married. "Colleen? Matthew?"

They exchanged a look and then Matthew tilted his head towards Colleen as if to say you go first. Colleen sighed and then sat back in her chair to begin. "My name's Colleen and this is my brother, Matthew." She pointed to him as she introduced him and then smiled very weakly at Michaela. "Our mother died this past summer." She kind of shrugged then as if she didn't know what else to say. Michaela felt for her. She knew the pain of losing a parent and it couldn't be easy for a girl this young.

Will spoke softly. "What about your father?"

"Left us years ago. Cleared out the bank account and left us." It was Matthew speaking this time and the anger in his voice was obvious. Michaela watched as his nostrils flared and his hands clenched into tight fists. "It's me and Colleen trying to do our best to raise our younger brother and our father could care less."

Colleen touched Matthew's arm and then looked back to everyone else. "It's just really hard right now." Several heads nodded in understanding including Michaela. It was hard to feel sorry for yourself when surrounded by people who had lost more than you could imagine.

"Thank you Matthew for your honesty. It's alright to be angry," Will said looking around at the circle. "This is why we are here to share all our emotions." Matthew gave a little nod and Michaela could tell the young man was honestly glad to be affirmed in his feelings. "And thank you Colleen for sharing." His face was soft and it was easy to tell that these two held a special place in Will's heart. "So who's next?" Will's eyes darted from Sully to the man with the long face on the other side of the circle. Sully would still not look up but Michaela could see his face at an angle. It looked like it was chiseled out of stone and Michaela knew it was a false façade. Something someone had said tonight hit a nerve with him. She was barely listening to the man across the circle speak as she contemplated what Sully's story might be.

She looked up quickly, her eyes darting toward the man who appeared about her age. He was in the middle of his story already and Michaela silently cursed herself for not hearing his name.

"Problem is when Myra left she took our daughter. She said she couldn't stay here in Colorado Springs anymore. I offered to move but she wanted a fresh start – without me. I only get to see Samantha on holidays now. I'm afraid she ain't gonna even know me."

"I know, Horace," Will said in the same affirming voice. "It's not easy to be away from your child. Thank you for sharing."

"Well, sure," he said then turned to Michaela. "This place…. These people…" He looked around the circle. "They keep me going." Michaela nodded and smiled politely at Horace's advertisement for the group.

"Thanks Horace for that plug for group." He leaned over and patted him on the leg. "Well, that leaves Sully."

Sully looked up, his face still set. He gave a shrug of his shoulders and then settled back in his chair casting his eyes slightly toward Michaela. "Dorothy's niece… that is…. was my wife. She was eight months pregnant with our baby girl when a teenager ran a red light and broadsided her. She was killed instantly. Our baby… Hannah… is still in the NICU."

Will's face look strained, more so than with the others who had spoken. "Thank you for sharing, Sully. I know it isn't easy." Michaela frowned. Why did he get to share so little? Will was already looking around the circle again at the others. "But I wanted you all to share so that Michaela could." He held his hand forward towards the doctor. "Michaela?"

Michaela nodded as she moved towards the edge of her chair. "Hi," she said feeling a little nervous. She cleared her throat. "I'm here because my father died." She looked over at Matthew and Colleen momentarily. "He wasn't necessarily young but I just never imagined….." She stopped and stilled herself, trying hard to steady her emotions. "I had just moved here when I found out he had brain cancer. I wanted to go back to Boston but he wouldn't let me. I was at least there when he died. That was eight months ago." Suddenly Michaela felt out of place. Everyone's losses seemed so big compared to hers or at least more recent. "I should be alright by now, shouldn't I?" Michaela hadn't meant to ask that question out loud and she must have looked surprised to those around her.

Will spoke. "Michaela you can't really put a time on grief. We are all here because we need to talk about what we are feeling."

She nodded weakly and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I just can't seem to stop being sad. To be honest, I don't want to stop but that isn't fair to my fiancé. He wants us to get on with our lives. He wants the old me back."

"That's mighty nice of him." Sully's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Michaela wheeled around to see Sully directly looking at her for the first time that night. "I just mean that he wants us to get back to normal life."

Sully shrugged. "I don't know about the rest of you but my life ain't ever going to be normal again. I just don't think it's fair for your fiancé to not realize things are going to be different now."

"He is trying to understand," Michaela defended weakly unsure of why she felt the need to prove David to this stranger.

Will intervened then. "I think Sully brings up a good point. It is very hard to get back to normal after a death or a loss and sometimes our idea of normal does change. " Several heads around the circle were nodding in agreement. Sully was studying the floor again. "That is why we start by making small changes." He looked at his watch then. "And it's that other time of the night that we all love…." Again there was a collective groan. "Time to tell me what change you are going to make this week. Anyone want to start?" He looked hopeful and smiled widely when Colleen half raised her hand.

"I'm going to find someone to proofread my college essays and then I am going to finally send off my applications."

Everyone clapped for the young girl and a couple wished her good luck. Michaela made a mental note to talk to her after the meeting.

Dorothy volunteered next. "I'm going to see my daughter this week. She called and invited me and I'm going to go."

"We're going to take a little time away as well," Robert E said. "Grace and I need a little time to reconnect."

Will clapped and smiled at Dorothy and the couple. "I think time away would be good for all of you. Anyone else?"

Horace shook his head. "I don't know doc. Think I might go buy an Ipad for Samantha so we can talk face to face every night."

"I think that is a splendid idea." For a brief moment, Will's eyes settled on Sully and then flickered to Michaela. "How about you Michaela?"

Michaela shrugged. "I don't know."

"It can be anything," Will encouraged her. "Something small to start out. What's one thing you can do this week to stop dwelling on your father?"

"Okay," she said quickly trying to think of something. "I'll stop watching old home movies this week."

Will smiled. "I think that is a great first step." Michaela looked down shyly feeling like a child being praised for the right answer. "Michaela we are very glad you have decided to join us."

Michaela looked back up, her eyes narrowed a bit. "I'm glad I came," she said and found that she really meant it. It did feel good to be with people who understood sadness and hearing their stories was a good distraction to her own grief.

"Well unless someone has something else to share, that is the end of group. " Will clapped his hands together dramatically and the sound bounced neatly around the large room. "I'll see you all next week and don't forget to get together with your buddies this week."

Michaela cast a nervous glance in Sully's direction but he was already moving over towards Robert E. The doctor gave a little shake of her head before turning her attention to Colleen on the other side of the circle..

She stood and walked over to her, feeling a slight fluttery feeling in her stomach. Teenagers always made her nervous. "Hi Colleen. I'm Michaela." The words were hurried but friendly. Colleen smiled nervously. "I'd love to read your college essays for you."

"You would?" The young woman didn't look like she was quite convinced that someone would be willing to help.

Michaela nodded. "Sure. Where are you applying?"

Colleen glanced in Matthew's direction before replying. "Just a few local colleges," she said leaving Michaela to believe she wasn't sharing the whole truth.

"Cool," Michaela said trying to sound young but feeling as if she was failing miserably.

But regardless Colleen was smiling pleasantly. "So when can we meet?"

As Michaela thought for a moment, she caught sight of Sully leaving out of the corner of her eye. "Hold on one minute," she said to Colleen and ran over to Sully, who was just opening the door.

"Sully?"

"Yeah?"

"As uh… buddies are we supposed to exchange phone numbers or something?"

Sully shrugged his shoulders. "If ya want." His nonchalance was driving her crazy.

"Will said….."

"You're one of those teacher's pets, aren't you?" Sully said sarcastically as he cut her off.

Michaela's cheeks reddened as Sully's quip hit its mark. He was right – why was she bothering with this? It was clear Sully had no interest in being her buddy. She was only asking him because that is what she thought Will wanted them to do. Sully was already pulling out his wallet though so she remained quiet. "Here," he said handing her a business card.

"Oh, thanks," she said now rummaging in her purse to find her wallet. "And here's mine." She handed him her card and he considered it for a moment.

"A doctor, huh?"

"It pays the bills," Michaela joked not wanting to let Sully make her feel like a geek again.

"Well I spend all my free time at the hospital so if you want to meet in the cafeteria sometime…." His voice drifted off as he added her card to his wallet.

"Sure," Michaela said hating how eager she sounded. "Just give me a call or have me paged." She meant this last bit to be humorous but it failed to elicit even a smile.

"Night," Sully said as he turned to go leaving Michaela standing there awkwardly. She looked down at the card in her hand and frowned.

Byron Sully

Custom Cabinetry

818-742-0837

Sully was his last name? Michaela furrowed her brow as she considered him. Normally she would have labeled him as another rude man, which she had known plenty of in her life. His snarky comments would have naturally led her to conclude a woman of her intelligence threatened him but Michaela did not make this assumption. Instead she felt a strange affinity for this man although she didn't really know him.

She remembered then that she had left Colleen and quickly stuffed the card in her purse. She was not done trying to figure him out but her thoughts would have to wait for later.

* * *

_Rejoining the writing world this summer and starting by polishing this story and posting. It is already done so expect chapters every few days or so. Thanks for reading!  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**_

**A Path Through the Dark**

**Chapter Two**

Pulling the key out of the ignition, Michaela sighed loudly and laid her head back against the car seat. From here she could see that the bedroom lights were still on, a sure sign that David was awake. Michaela drummed her fingers against the steering wheel as she considered sitting here until the lights went off in the apartment above. An old familiar sense of guilt surged through her. This was not how she should feel about her fiancé. If he could just understand, she thought to herself.

Michaela had always been a private person and David knew that. Even before her father's death, David had wanted her to be more open with him. The need for privacy was not intended to be hurtful but rather it was natural, borne of a childhood spent mostly in the company of books. She was used to being alone with her thoughts. Michaela knew it would be an adjustment when she agreed to move in with David and it had been but she had learned to carve out time alone, adjusting fairly well. It was harder after her father's death, partly because David believed that she didn't need to be alone.

Michaela reached for her bag before opening the car door. She might as well get this over with. David had early rounds at the hospital so hopefully a few details of group would satisfy his curiosity and convince him she wasn't destined for the loony bin yet. Still her steps were halting as she dragged herself inside. She opened the door and stepped quietly into the apartment on the off chance that David was asleep with the lights on.

"Mike?"

She sighed quietly. "Yes."

David stepped out of the bedroom in just his boxers, a sight which normally made her blush but she barely noticed. His smile was genuinely warm. "Hey," he said. "How was your group?"

Michaela turned and attempted a weak smile. "It was good." As she said it, she realized she really meant it. She wrinkled her forehead turning both ends of her mouth down and studied him. "But you didn't have to tell Will I was coming," she scolded.

David tried to look innocent. He reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm very proud of you," he said, ignoring her last comment. He pulled her into his embrace and kissed her forehead. "Want to talk about it?"

"Umm… Sure but I need a shower first." David let go of her and Michaela moved into the bedroom. She shed her clothes in the laundry basket and then headed to the bathroom, keeping a few steps ahead of David and hoping this stalling tactic would work.

Unfortunately, she heard the bathroom door open as she climbed into the shower. "So tell me about it," David said, refusing to be deterred.

Michaela sighed but the sound was drowned out by the running water. "We all introduced ourselves and said why we were there. Then Will asked us to change one thing this week."

"Is that it?"

"Pretty much," Michaela replied over the sound of the water.

David chuckled. "You know this is like trying to drag information out of a teenager. Want to be more specific?"

Michaela picked up the shampoo bottle and squirted some into her hand. She waited until she had a good lather going to answer. "Well, there was this woman who was there because her sister died. And there was a man there whose wife had left him and a college student and his sister whose mom died recently. " She knew next came Sully but she decided to skip him for some reason. "There was a couple there who had repeated miscarriages and she just lost a baby at six months."

David pushed the shower door to the side and stuck his head in. "Not that they aren't interesting but I wanted to hear about you."

Michaela shrugged. "You know why I was there."

David shook his head and pursued his lips. "You know what I mean, Mike."

"I didn't say much really. I guess the best part was that I realized I am not the only person in this world who has lost somebody. That was sort of my own breakthrough tonight." Michaela quickly stepped under the water to rinse her hair, hoping this last statement would satisfy David.

"So which one is your buddy?"

Michaela felt her cheeks grow warm. "Buddy?"

"Will said he partnered up the people in his support group so that they had someone they could call when things got rough."

Michaela was suddenly intent on the conditioner bottle, her cheeks warming for some strange reason. "Oh right. Umm.. I got this guy whose wife died in a car accident a few weeks ago." She hesitated for a moment and then looked up at David. "You don't care that it's a guy do you?"

David shook his head. "I'm just glad you have someone you can talk to." The tone of his voice told Michaela he was glad it was anybody but him currently. "I mean someone who understands what you are going through." Michaela recognized the cover up but didn't say anything. David faked a yawn and tilted his head to the side as if to prove how tired he suddenly was. "Well I've got rounds at seven so I better head onto bed." He leaned in to give Michaela a quick kiss on the lips. "Night."

"Night," Michaela replied, finally remembering to blush at his closeness to her unclothed form. David gave her a wink and closed the shower door and Michaela instantly felt the tension leave her shoulders. Unfortunately the shameful feeling from earlier returned. She stood under the water now and just let it run against her tired muscles. The ring on her finger caught her attention and she looked hard at it. A year ago when David had asked her to marry him, she had been the happiest woman in the world.

A lump formed in her throat as she tried to resist asking herself if she still felt the same. So much had happened since then. She wasn't even certain she was the same person who had said yes. She hoped that once she could deal with the lingering grief things would go back to the way they'd been. But what if Sully was right? What if things would never be the same? She shook her head trying to erase that thought from her mind. Things would be alright, she told herself.

Michaela finished up in the shower and pulled on a robe. David was already in the bed, his breathing even and calm. A sigh of relief escaped her lips, glad that she didn't have to come to bed and pretend to sleep. She tiptoed across the room, stopping halfway when he stirred a little. There was nothing to fear though; he turned over, snoring soundly.

As she closed the bedroom door quietly behind her, she stretched her arms luxuriously almost giddy with her freedom. A large crooked smile appeared on her face as she made herself comfortable on the couch and pulled her tablet out of its case. She hesitated for a moment, feeling a little guilty about what she was planning to do but she quickly dismissed it, letting curiosity win.

The search engine turned up no webpage for Sully's business but she clicked on one of the yellow page listings for Custom Cabinetry. The page had over twenty reviews for the business, each more glowing than the next. Fine craftsmanship, finished ahead of schedule, would recommend for any kitchen remodel…. The reviews made Michaela smile because it confirmed what she had felt deep down. Despite his initial rude behavior, Sully was a good man.

Michaela logged into her facebook account next and wasted at least ten minutes doing search after search for Sully until she was convinced he wasn't on the social networking site. She was just about to give up when a name at the bottom of a search list caught her eye. Abby Sully. Michaela felt as if she was about to intrude on sacred ground but she reasoned with herself that it was necessary to find out as much about Sully as possible. He certainly wasn't going to volunteer much information.

With one touch of her finger she took her first step into his world. The profile picture on the page caught her attention. There was Sully, his face so different than the man she'd met tonight. The hard lines were not present, the mouth not set into a permanent scowl. There was a secret smile on his lips as he looked adoringly at his wife. Their hands were interlaced over her belly in a protective way.

Maternity pictures – something every college and medical school friend of Michaela's had done when they'd produced their first child. Somehow the pictures weren't as important for the second or even third pregnancy. They often served as reminders to Michaela of what she'd given up. Youngest chief of surgery in the country did not come without sacrifice.

Her eyes did not linger on the picture but moved quickly downward where friends and family had left messages about missing her and the prayers that were being offered for Hannah. The messages went on and on and Michaela quickly realized that Abby was the type of person that everyone loved. Then the posts switched over to before Abby's death, each one so full of hope and promise about their baby girl. There were pictures of the nursery and pictures of shower gifts.

Michaela let out a ragged breath, imagining how Sully must feel. How quickly hope had turned to despair. Michaela couldn't take anymore and she quickly set the tablet down. It was only then she realized that her cheeks were wet. It wasn't fair to think that someone so young, so loved had been ripped from the bonds of life. While she missed her father, she knew that he had lived a full life. He had raised his family and had an extremely successful career. Abby was just starting out and Hannah, hadn't even begun to live. Michaela pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her robe to muffle the sound of her sobs. It was something David would not understand even if she told him these tears were not for her own grief.

The shaking slowly subsided and she felt a sense of peace envelop her. Michaela sat there for another twenty minutes or so, her head resting against her knees. She didn't want to get up; afraid she was going to lose the warm feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. For the first time in a long time, she felt as if she could be genuinely happy again. It didn't make sense but she didn't care. A small light had been turned on somewhere in the dark and for right now it was enough.

* * *

_Thanks for reading and for the reviews. I always enjoy writing David because we only get brief glimpses of him in the series which means I can push the limits of his character a bit more than the others. _


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**_

**A Path Through the Dark**

**Chapter Three**

Mornings were always busy at the hospital but Michaela didn't mind. She normally welcomed it as a way to keep her mind occupied. Nights gave her too much time for thinking especially when sleep was so hard to come by. Work was the one thing that had prevented her from completely falling apart in the past eight months. To escape her grief she worked harder and longer arriving at the hospital early each day and leaving late in the evening. The board of trustees was pleased with her work and one of the trustees even commented that Memorial had never been run so well. Anyone on the outside would never have guessed the inner turmoil she felt.

David recognized her obsession with work as unhealthy and begged her to take a leave of absence. Michaela had refused and would not even discuss the possibility of time off. The rift created between the two of them had lasted for over a week. Michaela eventually agreed to a weekend away which David did not feel was enough of a break but he conceded the point.

This particular morning began no different than any other- reviewing the day's surgery schedule, signing off on the charge nurses changes to surgical nursing staff, and a stop off to visit with the interns making morning rounds. Yet her mind wasn't completely on task this morning, something that was very rare for Michaela. She could not get the pictures of Abby Sully out of her head or stop thinking about Hannah just upstairs in the NICU. And Sully…. She couldn't put him out of her mind either.

Michaela was still thinking of them as she made her daily stop by the junior board shop for a cup of coffee. Right inside the door was a bin of teddy bears and Michaela smiled when she saw a little pink one right on top. Without much thought Michaela picked it up and added it to her morning purchase. It would make the perfect gift for Hannah. Yet as she started back towards her office, Michaela questioned her desire to visit Hannah. What if Sully was there? Would he mind her stopping by? He had been so gruff the night before but Michaela had a hard time believing this was his true personality.

This wasn't any of her business, she argued with herself. Being someone's buddy didn't allow you to invade their privacy. Michaela stuffed the bear under her arm and took a sip of her coffee, hoping it would help her think a little straighter. She had a meeting with the hospital's legal team in thirty minutes and that was going to require her to be more focused then she currently was.

Once in her office, she propped the teddy bear against the clock on her desk. She sat down and pulled out a folder from the hanging file in the side drawer. She opened it and tried to concentrate on the contents but it was a losing battle. Michaela cupped her face in her hands and sighed. There was only one way that she was going to get anything done today

She stood, grabbed the bear, and walked decidedly to the office door.

"Dr Quinn?" Michaela stopped and turned to look at her administrative assistant with a frown.

"I'll be in the NICU if you need me. I will be back for the meeting with legal – just send them into the conference room if they get here early." The last words were said as she glanced at her watch – she needed to make this quick.

The meeting with legal was nearing a close when Michaela first heard the commotion. She turned her head to the side trying her hardest to figure out the owners of the raised voices. Her shoulders tensed as she realized one was a man's voice and instantly she thought of Sully. The others in the conference room heard the commotion now too, the meeting coming to an instant halt. Several of the lawyers were looking at Michaela to give some sort of direction. She stood to head towards the door but stopped half way there.

"You can't go in there," the assistant was yelling but it was too late.

Sully burst through the door of the conference room, his eyes scanning for Michaela. "You had no right!" He was pointing a finger at her and approaching quickly.

"Sully," Michaela began but was quickly cut off.

" , I'm calling security," her assistant said grabbing the intercom phone next to the conference room door.

"Don't," Michaela shouted at her assistant. "Sully, please calm down."

"Don't tell me to be calm! You had no right!" He was only feet from the doctor now and several members of the legal team were standing ready to spring into action if necessary.

"Dr Quinn?" The assistant held the phone in her hand, her fingers poised to push the button for security.

"It's alright," the doctor assured her. She smoothed the front of her jacket and turned to face the legal team. "Gentlemen, if I could have a moment.

There were nods and mumbles of agreement but none sat, still ready to come to the doctor's aid. Michaela walked out of the conference room door and gestured for Sully to follow her.

Sully felt foolish following the doctor. He didn't like the way she gestured him out of the door but he had a few more things he wanted to say to her and that meant following her out of the room. Michaela walked to her office door and opened it for him. Reluctantly, Sully stomped through the door, his anger burning even hotter with each step.

Michaela closed the door quietly and tried to speak calmly. "Sully, please let me explain."

"Explain? Explain what? That you think you can get in someone else's business because you are a doctor. Ain't that breaking some sort of confidentiality?"

The doctor's brow furrowed as she moved towards the edge of her desk. "Sully I didn't look at Hannah's records. I just stopped by to see her."

"Yeah right! You probably looked at mine too. Think I'm crazy like everybody else."

"Sully, I just want to help."

"I don't need your charity." He threw the bear in the floor.

Up until this point, Michaela was calm but she felt her own temper flare as she watched the bear bounce and land a few inches from her feet. "Do you know who I am?" Sully's eyes met hers and he shrugged his shoulders as if to say he didn't care. "I am the chief of surgery here. I can check on any patient I want. I can look at any records if I really want to. I chose not to look at Hannah's records." The word chose was annunciated slowly to try to get her point across to Sully. "I simply went up to the NICU and visited with your daughter and left her a bear. If you want to crucify me for that, go ahead!"

Sully looked slightly stunned but still angry. "I told Will I didn't want a buddy." Sully said never dropping eye contact with her. "And that hasn't changed so you can just butt out of my life."

"Fine!" Michaela glared back at him. "I can't say that I'm thrilled to have a buddy either, especially one as asinine as you. Michaela reached down and picked up the teddy bear, brushing a speck of dirt from its fur as her anger ebbed a bit. "I was trying to be nice…. to connect… to you…" The words were slow and quiet. She felt a blush settle on her cheeks as she spoke.

"I don't need your help." Sully was no longer yelling but his words were still full of venom. "Stay away from my daughter and stay away from me." With that he turned and opened the office door and slammed it behind him.

"Well that went splendidly," Michaela said with a snort. She put the bear on her desk and shook her head wishing she'd never gone to the NICU. "This should be fun to explain," she hissed under her breath as she headed back to her meeting.

* * *

_I knew that I was taking a chance publishing a story with David still very actively in the picture but I promise you a happy ending though it will take a little bit to get there. I knew it was also a risk to have David and Michaela living together but I do think that a modern day Michaela would think slightly differently. She is still very reserved in this area – something that will become obvious as the story goes on. Anyway – thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**_

**A Path Through the Dark**

**Chapter Four**

Michaela looked over at the clock surprised to see how late it was. She rubbed her temples, wishing that her headache would dissipate soon. She had not slept well since the confrontation with Sully and the lack of sleep was beginning to take its toll on her. She gathered the papers that were spread out on her desk and closed them up in their proper folder. This could wait for tomorrow.

As she put the folder into her corner filing cabinet, her eyes wandered over the photos that dotted her bookshelves. There was one of her and her father, taken just after she'd graduated medical school. An old familiar stab of grief pierced her heart and she swallowed hard to stop the tears. Quickly she turned her attention to a different photo – a picture of her holding a little girl.

The girl's name was Avery and she had been diagnosed with leukemia only two days after her third birthday. Michaela was the admitting doctor in the ER when Avery had come in with a nose bleed that her parents couldn't stop. She had broken the news of the girl's condition and then gotten them in with one of the top oncologists in Boston. Every time Avery was in the Children's Hospital, Michaela visited with her. The photo was taken the day that Avery's family was given the news she was officially in remission.

This was the thing Michaela missed being Chief of Surgery – the contact with people. She knew she was making a difference in her current position but it was hard at times to see it. This wasn't the first time Michaela had wondered if she made the right decision to take this position. It had been too big of an honor to turn down though. She shook her head. It was definitely time to call it a night.

She gathered her bag and was just about to turn her desk lamp off when a knock at her office door interrupted her. She sighed, hoping that whoever was on the other side didn't need more than her signature.

Michaela opened the door and frowned. "Will?"

"I saw your light was still on and took a chance. You got a minute?" He was smiling and it made Michaela suspicious.

"I was actually about to head out." Will brushed past her into the office as she spoke, completely ignoring what she way saying. Michaela watched him wide mouthed as he made himself comfortable in one of her leather chairs. "But I guess I could stay for a bit longer."

"Good," Will said, still smiling from ear to ear. "I'm really glad you joined us for group the other night."

Michaela sat back down behind her desk and slouched slightly in her chair. "Is this a professional or personal call?"

Will considered her question for a moment and then smiled again. "A personal call in a professional capacity."

"That's what I was afraid of," Michaela sighed crossing her arms over her chest. "Has David been after you to talk to me?"

"No," he said but Michaela looked skeptical. "Honestly, Michaela. I am here of my own accord." Michaela looked at him dubiously but didn't argue. "I always check up on my group members. You can ask any of them."

"I plan to," Michaela joked making Will laugh. She finally relaxed a little and even smiled at the psychiatrist.

"Seriously," Will began, "how are you?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know." She looked down considering her hands as she spoke. "I felt a little better the other night after group but…" Her voice drifted off as she tried to figure out how to tell Will what had transpired with Sully the day before.

"But?"

"But I don't think this is going to work."

In typical doctor fashion, Will remained calm and turned her statement into a question. "Why don't you think this it going to work?"

Michaela felt exasperated and laid her head back against her chair. She knew the answer to this question but admitting was a different story. "Because I don't want it to work." There. She had said it and she wasn't sorry that she had.

Will didn't smile for which Michaela was grateful. Instead he rubbed his chin, considering his next words carefully. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret." He paused raising an eyebrow at Michaela. "No one wants it to work." Michaela wrinkled her forehead as she listened. "Because if it works – it means you forget and you don't want to forget. Right?"

"I just want to go back to how things were."

"I know and you aren't alone. Everyone at group wants to go back to how things were. Loss is change and humans don't really like change."

Michaela's mouth curled into a crooked smile. "I know that," she said thinking of all the resistance she had faced to the few changes she had introduced at Mercy. "And everything you are saying – I've said the same thing to patients of mine or to families of my patients. I am used to telling people about change but I suppose I am not very good at change myself."

"Few of us are." Will leaned forward in his chair. "Have you talked to Sully?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Umm…." Michaela sucked in sharply. "I get the impression that Sully isn't too keen on having me as a buddy." Will laughed which made Michaela frown. "I am taking you've already heard about our incident."

"I don't think there is anyone in the hospital who hasn't heard about it." Michaela shook her head but smiled. "Give it a little time," Will advised. "I promise – his bark is worse than his bite."

"The bark is bad enough," Michaela laughed and Will joined in.

"I know," he said, "But he really needs someone ."

"I am not sure that someone is me."

Will smiled sympathetically. "Will you stick with him for now Michaela? I promise you there is a method to my madness. "

Michaela nodded even though she wasn't sure Sully would agree. "But only if you agree to talk to Sully."

"I'll talk to him."

* * *

If Michaela was nervous her first night of group, it was nothing compared to how she felt the second night. It took every fiber of her being to make the journey down the hall of the community center to the dreaded room. The only reason she convinced herself to come was that she had agreed to read Colleen's college essays. The young girl was bringing them tonight so that they could meet this coming weekend to talk about them.

She had also promised Will not to give up on Sully yet. This she wasn't sure about but Michaela was never one to break a promise. The room looked much the same as last week when she arrived. Her eyes scanned the room and she felt herself tense when she saw Sully sitting alone, staring at the floor.

Sully raised his head and their eyes met. He swallowed and attempted a smile. It didn't quite work but Michaela recognized the gesture. She raised her own hand and gave a little wave, although the tension never left her body. Sully was just about to stand when the redhead ambushed the doctor. He relaxed back into his seat to wait for after the meeting.

"Hi," Colleen said, excitement visible in her eyes.

Michaela smiled widely. "Hi," she said, glad for this distraction. "Do you have something for me?"

Colleen groaned. "I do but I'm nervous."

"Don't be. I'm not the college admission officer. I am on your side, remember."

The redhead nodded and held out a flash drive. "There in the folder marked college essays. Each essay is named by the college."

Michaela took the flash drive and tucked it into her pocket. "Ten on Saturday, right?"

Colleen nodded. "I can't thank you enough for doing this."

"It's my pleasure," Michaela replied and then realized that everyone was taking their seats. Colleen was already moving back to sit beside Matthew, her brother and Michaela simply followed her. The room looked different from this vantage point and so did the people or perhaps it was just knowing their stories that was different. Will was already talking, something Michaela didn't realize until about two minutes in but she tried to make sense of what he was saying.

"The holidays magnify our grief. Family gatherings often serve as painful reminders of the absences of our loved ones. As we approach the holidays, I want to give you tools to help deal with the many emotions that this holiday season might bring. I'd like to start by having you share what your biggest concern is about the holidays. Any volunteers?"

Eyes automatically went to the floor as silence was the only answer to the doctor's question. Will waited though, he wasn't going to volunteer anyone. The silence was unsettling to Michaela and she lifted her head to speak when another voice beat her to it.

"That Hannah's gonna die."

Every eye in the room went to Sully. He was still looking at the floor but everyone knew his voice.

"I worry about that everyday but I don't want Thanksgiving or Christmas to always be the holiday that I remember as the day she died."

Will was nodding his head with that little doctor smile that showed how pleased he was Sully had shared. "Anyone else?"

"It's another Christmas without children." It was Grace's voice this time. Her eyes were still on Sully as she spoke. "I hate going into stores at Christmas and seeing all the things to buy for kids. I hate the commercials and I hate the catalogs. It's just like a big blinking neon sign that our house is so empty."

Will was truly smiling now and Michaela thought how bizarre that psychiatrists got all excited about other people sharing their pain. She watched as Robert E. took Grace's hand and patted it. A small sigh escaped her lips. How nice it must be to share this process with someone who understood what you were going through.

"I know what you mean Grace." It was Horace this time, his large eyes pooling with tears. "I know my daughter is still alive but she's spending Christmas with her mom. They're going to some big ski resort so I won't even get to see her until our regular visit in January. It's going to be so lonely."

"The holidays can feel very lonely," Will chimed in. "And that is why it's important to only do what you feel you can handle. You have to get through each day and if you can't handle a family gathering that's okay. The important thing is you get through that day." Will looked around. "Is anyone worried about dealing with their family during this time?" Michaela felt herself nod without really thinking about it. "Would you like to share Michaela?"

Michaela felt betrayed by her own body but she swallowed and began. "My family will be acting like everything is normal. And if anyone even acts like their grieving my mother will say something like – Christmas is about children. Don't ruin it for them, Michaela." The doctor frowned; she hadn't meant her response to be so personal.

"You all have to give yourself permission to feel however your feel. Don't let others dictate how you should feel during the holidays." Will's eyes never left Michaela's face as he spoke. "Your emotions are your own and there is no timeline for feeling better."

Colleen turned her head so that she could see Michaela. "It's funny. Matthew and I have decided to focus on Brian to take our mind off of the fact that Mom won't be there. Brian gets so excited at Christmas and we don't want him to lose that."

Will shrugged. "That is exactly what I mean about doing what feels right for you. For some concentrating on the children will help. For others," Will's eyes scanned the far side of the room, "that isn't a good idea. I think the best thing you can do is begin to think about the holidays now. Make some plans so that your grief won't be unbearable." He smiled as he scanned the circle. "This journey isn't easy but remember you are not alone. Use your buddy this holiday – they can help." His eyes met Michaela's as he spoke and Michaela felt her cheeks redden. "Okay so your homework this week is to think about Thanksgiving and make a plan. I expect everyone to have something to share next week." There was the compulsory groan from the group accompanying the word share. "See you next week."

The words were barely out of Will's mouth when Michaela realized that Sully was moving in her direction. She stood somewhat off balance, glad he couldn't hear how quickly her heart was beating. She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans and cleared her throat as their eyes met.

"Michaela?" His voice was gentle and uncertain.

"Yes." The word was dry and stuck in her mouth but she tried to say it with confidence.

"I just wanted to say…" he paused, dropping his eyes and Michaela could see he felt ashamed at how he had behaved. Any fear or residual anger melted away and compassion took its place.

"Sully, it's okay," she said quickly trying to ease the situation.

"I had no right to bust in on your meeting or to say the things I said."

Michaela took a deep breath. "No, you didn't," she said matter of factly. "But I shouldn't have visited Hannah without speaking with you first. If I was Horace or Colleen," she motioned at them with her hand as she spoke, "I would not have been given a pass to the NICU."

Sully met her eyes again, surprised at her words. "Thanks," he said, studying her in an unnerving way.

Michaela nodded. "Truce then?"

"Truce." Sully stuck out his hand and she took it giving it a firm shake. "See ya next week."

"See you," she said as he began to walk away. She turned to see Will smiling at her expectantly. She smiled back and gave a nod of her head. Michaela still wasn't sure that they were going to be the best of friends but this was at least a start.

* * *

_Sorry for the delay in posting – I ended up combining two chapters to help the flow. Plus this was new furniture week at our house so lots of moving things around _


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**_

**A Path Through the Dark**

**Chapter Five**

The warmth of the sheets and the soft glow of the morning sun made her smile. She opened her eyes and stretched her legs out enjoying the feel of the down comforter against her skin. It felt nice to sleep in. Who was she kidding- it felt nice to sleep.

Michaela turned her head slightly to see the time but found it was obscured by a piece of paper. She laid her head back down and stretched her hand out still not wanting to move from her current position. Her fingertips brushed the edge and she grabbed it between her forefinger and middle finger. She knew without even looking that it was a note from David. He always put them over her phone so that she would be sure to see them. Without reading the note she put it down on the bed and looked at the time. Eight thirty. She was meeting Colleen to talk about her college essays at ten. There was time to be lazy for a bit longer.

Michaela picked up the note from David and unfolded it.

"_Dinner at Sushi Nine? Text me"_

David was out for the day – mountain biking with some other doctors from the hospital. For David, moving to Colorado was a dream come true. He loved hiking and biking in the Rockies- something Boston had offered little of. Michaela enjoyed hiking as well and had accompanied David on several overnight hikes. When it came to biking though, Michaela preferred not to ride down the side of a mountain on two wheels. That suited David just fine. He liked to have time with the boys as he put it.

Michaela, on the other hand, liked her time alone. She coveted it as much or possibly more than David coveted his time with the guys. After her father's death, David had given up several of his day trips to stay with her. He thought if he could get her out and about it would help to distract her. Michaela seldom felt like going out though and when she did it was only begrudgingly. Eventually David had given up and gone back to his guy time.

It had been freeing to finally admit that she didn't really want to get over her father's death. She had dismissed the idea of therapy when David had suggested it but having Will listen and affirm her feelings had been really helpful. Group had also done wonders for her though Michaela wasn't sure why. If nothing else, group had provided a distraction. Michaela sighed quietly – perhaps too much of a distraction.

For some reason she couldn't get Sully out of her thoughts. She had kept her word to keep her distance from Hannah. Still she had found herself strolling near the NICU once or twice a day since Sully's apology, hoping to run into him. She was just worried about him she told herself, much like she would worry about any patient.

Michaela gave a shake of her head as if she could erase any thoughts of him with this one simple motion. She reached over and grabbed her phone off the bedside table to text David. There were two texts from her mother which made her stomach tighten involuntarily. She knew without even looking that she was asking about their plans for Thanksgiving. Her assignment from group to make a plan for the holidays had been weighing on her. She knew what she wanted to do but she didn't think David would agree. Hopefully she would be able to convince him over dinner tonight. She composed a new text to him saying she would meet him at the restaurant at eight. That would give her time to finish up with Colleen and run by the hospital.

With a final stretch, Michaela threw off the covers and sat up on the edge of the bed. Her bare toes on the cold hardwoods served as reminder that the brief Indian summer they'd enjoyed was definitely over. Still she felt lighter today than she had in weeks. It helped that even though it was cold outside a bright sun hung in the sky set against a brilliant blue backdrop.

Michaela shed her pajamas into the laundry basket and stepped into the bathroom. Her reflection in the bathroom mirror made her frown. The dark circles under her eyes were gone but she noticed how pronounced her hip bones were. She could practically trace the outline of each rib. She began to understand why David had been so worried about her recently. Perhaps she hadn't realized how the emotional stress had taken its toll on her physically. Michaela knew her clothes were a little big on her but she hadn't thought much about it. She hadn't thought much about anything personal recently. Grief always seemed to overwhelm her. But that was alright she told herself. After all she had made positive steps in the last two weeks and she would continue them.

After her shower, she quickly dressed not wanting to be late to pick up Colleen. She chose a faded green hoodie that she'd owned since undergrad knowing it would be a little smaller. She pulled her hair back in a ponytail and slid her sunglasses up on her head. As she was leaving, she glanced in the oversized mirror in the entranceway and smiled. At least there was color in her cheeks, she thought to herself.

If someone had observed Michaela's day to day routine they would have noted that today she did not drag to her car but that there was a slight bounce in her step. The possibility of helping someone out in such a personal way had her excited. Again she realized how much she missed dealing directly with patients but she pushed it aside. There was not time to think about that right now.

When she pulled up at the address that Colleen had given her, Michaela spotted the red head waiting out on the front steps right away. She smiled widely as she pulled into a parking space. Colleen returned the smile and gave a little wave before turning to pick up her bag.

"Hey," she said as she opened the door and climbed inside.

"Hey," Michaela replied, enjoying the casual tone of a teenager. "Any suggestions on where to eat?"

Colleen shrugged. "Wherever you wanna go is fine."

Michaela smiled. "Then I know the perfect place." Colleen sat back and buckled her seat belt but remained quiet. Michaela could sense that she was nervous. "So what colleges are you looking at?"

"University of Colorado, Colorado State…" She bit her lip and then let out a short breath. "And NYU." This last school was said very hurriedly and Michaela had a hard time understanding what exactly she said.

"What was the last one?"

Colleen's cheeks reddened. "NYU." This time the letters were distinct albeit quiet.

"NYU is a very good school. Do you think you won't get in?"

Colleen shrugged. "It's just so far away and I don't want to leave Matthew all alone to raise Brian."

Michaela nodded with understanding. "But you're still going to apply?"

Colleen looked down to hide her smile. "I just want to know if I'm good enough to get in."

"I can understand doing that. I did the same thing," she admitted. They both giggled then, a bond of camaraderie instantly forming. It didn't take long to reach the restaurant that Michaela had chosen. It was a little coffee and sandwich shop – the perfect place to eat and work.

They ordered something to drink at the counter and then had a seat in a back corner hoping to remain undisturbed. Michaela handed her the flash drive and then took a long drink of her coffee.

Colleen sucked on her top lip as she waited for Michaela to make a comment. "Well?" She looked at the doctor expectantly.

"First, let me say that you are an excellent writer."

"Really?" The redhead's face instantly relaxed.

"Each essay was very well written and you thoroughly answered the questions but…" Michaela hesitated to gather her thoughts.

Colleen tensed again. "But?"

Michaela looked up and let out a little laugh. "I'm sorry Colleen. I'm not trying to make you nervous or hold you in suspense. I just want to make sure I get my point across clearly." Colleen nodded but she did not look any more at ease. "You have to remember that all of the schools you are applying to will get lots of applicants who are good writers and who thoroughly answer the question."

"Right." Colleen's tone was defeated. She took a drink of her soda to cover her disappointment. "Probably have good grades and SAT scores too."

Michaela nodded. "Exactly. That's why I want you to think about how to make yourself stand out."

Colleen shrugged. "But that's the problem- I don't stand out. The majority of kids in my school only know me as the smart girl."

"Now that I have a hard time believing." Colleen raised her eyebrows at the doctor questioning her statement. "Come on. All that gorgeous red hair, a beautiful smile…and not one boy knows your name?" A blush settled over the teen's cheeks as she intently stared at her napkin. Michaela couldn't help but smile.

"Boys don't know I'm alive," she said quietly.

Michaela could tell by the expression on her face what this statement meant. She had felt the same way herself and she knew better than to push. "Could you write about your mother's death and what you've been through since then?"

"I guess I could." Colleen looked at the doctor uncertainly. "I don't want them to take me just because they feel sorry for me."

"No, no, that's not what I meant. Don't write it so that they will feel sorry for you. Write it so that they will know how you can do anything you put your mind to." The corners of Colleen's mouth turned up slightly. "Write it so that they will know how incredibly responsible you are." The smile grew larger. "Write it so they see you – not your accomplishments- but you."

"I'll try," she said weakly.

"Think you can have it done by group night?" Colleen nodded. "Great. Then we'll have dinner before group and go over your essay."

A huge smile returned to the redhead's face. "That would be great," she said relief obvious in her voice.

"It's my pleasure," Michaela replied, meaning every word of it.

* * *

There was a gentle knock at her office door breaking into her private thoughts and she found she was glad for the interruption. "Come in," she called.

Michaela looked up as the door opened, her breath catching momentarily in her throat as Sully came into view. "Hey," he said casually, his face sad but not unfriendly. "Ya mind if I come in for a minute."

Michaela stood and walked out from behind her desk. "Only if you aren't planning on yelling at me." She gave him a weak smile, afraid that it was too soon for levity.

"Guess I deserved that." Sully looked down awkwardly. "I can go."

"No," Michaela said too eagerly. "Don't go. Please have a seat," she said pointing to the couch before choosing the chair by the window for herself. Sully sat but he looked agitated which worried Michaela. "Do you want some coffee or water?" she asked to try and help break the tension in the room.

"If I asked you something would you be honest with me?" Sully's words came out hurried and he looked down at the carpet the minute he finished speaking.

Michaela's eyes narrowed as she considered the myriad of things he might ask. "Of course, Sully." Her words were quiet and smooth.

Sully allowed the tone in which she spoke to sink into him. He let his shoulders drop back against the couch as he finally looked up at her. This time his voice was calm when he spoke. "Would you be straight with me about Hannah?"

Michaela swallowed hard. "What do you mean?"

"I ain't gettin' the truth from the doctors in the NICU or the nurses either. They keep trying to give me hope but I don't see any change." He paused studying his hands as he did. "And I know they all think I'm crazy so why would they be straight with me."

"They don't think you're crazy," Michaela countered.

"They do." Sully's voice was adamant. He looked at her and opened his mouth but the story would not come out. With a shake of his head, he silently cursed himself.

"What is it?" Her voice was soft and so full of compassion that Sully felt the words being coaxed out of him.

"After Abby died, I sort of lost it. I wasn't real keen on the idea of livin' myself. They think if they tell me about Hannah, I'm gonna lose it again."

Michaela sat back in the chair and nodded slowly. "Sully, I want to be honest with you but I don't know much. Hannah's not my patient and you made it pretty clear you didn't want me snooping around."

Sully's mouth kind of turned up at the ends and Michaela thought it was the beginnings of a smile. "Oh yeah, sorry bout that."

His words were met with a smile from Michaela. "It's alright," she assured.

"What do I need to do so you can find out for me?"

The question was easy enough to answer but Michaela felt torn. Were his doctors right in their thoughts to keep things away from Sully? Would she do more damage than good if she was honest with him? She gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head. How could she not be honest with him? "I'll get a release form for you to sign. That will allow me to see all of her records."

A real smile formed on his lips then. "Thank you Michaela. I really appreciate that." He stood and looked at her somewhat awkwardly. "I'd ask you if you want to have a cup of coffee with me but I'm sure you have plans on a Saturday night."

Michaela felt truly torn even though she knew she shouldn't. What was it about this man that held so much interest for her? "I do have plans but maybe some other time. Maybe Monday afternoon? That will give me time to look at Hannah's files and then we can talk."

"I gotta work." His face formed sort of a grimace as he spoke. "I could meet later – say around six or so."

"That will be fine. I'll see you Monday then."

"Yeah and thanks again."

"You're welcome." Her voice came out almost as a whisper as she watched the door close behind him. She turned towards her desk and frowned. She should not be this excited about coffee with Sully. Perhaps Sully being her buddy was not a good idea.

Sully stepped out of her office and took a deep breath as another wave of guilt washed over him. Suddenly his feet could not carry him fast enough out of the office suite and towards the elevators. He moved quickly as if someone was chasing him but the demons he ran from were only in his mind. When the elevator took too long to appear, he took the stairs. Sully was grateful when he finally made his way out of the hospital. He took deep gulps of the untainted air, letting it fill his lungs and then his whole body. He always felt this way about the hospital but today even more so.

In her office it was like a fog had settled over him or perhaps more like a spell that had enchanted him. Why did she have such a pull for him? He began to walk towards his truck trying to sort out the myriad of emotions in his mind. It was true that she had some similarities that reminded him of Abby but for the most part she was very different.

He could not deny the fact that she was beautiful, a little too skinny perhaps but he had a feeling that had to do with her recent mental state. He also could not deny the fact that he was lonely – very lonely. Somehow these two facts combined had caused these feelings he reasoned. There was no way he could feel so drawn to her only eight short weeks after he lost his Abby. He missed her hands and the way she could comfort him without saying a word. Sully needed that right now and part of him wanted nothing more than to have the doctor upstairs wrap her long legs around him. He would breathe in the scent of her hair as it fell like a curtain around them while he became lost in a world where the only thought was pleasure.

Guilt reared its ugly head once again and Sully did not have the energy to chase it away. Instead he berated himself for thinking of another woman at all and then for thinking of this particular woman in such a base way. She was not a sexual liaison to temporarily distract him and he would never treat her that way. In fact he was suspicious of this fiancé she spoke of, certain even without meeting him, that he was not worthy of her.

Sully swore out loud this time. Once again he was thinking of her like she was his concern. Perhaps this whole buddy thing was a bad idea.

* * *

_Sorry for the long delay. We've been away on vacation and "off the grid" so to speak. Thanks to all of you following the story and your comments. One of the dangers of writing fan fic will always be that people think you are writing out of character. The truth is that I am sort of changing the characters to what I think modern day Sully and Michaela would be like. For some that just isn't something they are interested in and for some they don't agree with my changes. That is always the gamble you take in writing something like this (and probably why I didn't publish it sooner__). I can lay out my argument for why I made the decisions I did in the story but I don't think I would convince those who disagree with me. Your thoughts have made me think and that is always a good thing. Those of you who I have had the pleasure to correspond with over the years know my own personal feelings on many of these topics- like living together before marriage. Others have read my other modern day fanfics and seen me place Michaela and Sully in the same situation I have David and Michaela in this story. I welcome comments, including constructive criticism. I have enjoyed editing and rewriting large parts of this story. It has been a most welcome distraction. Thanks for reading!_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**_

**A Path Through the Dark**

**Chapter Six**

"Michaela?"

"Hmmm?" She looked up from the medical records she was reading and yawned.

"You ready for bed?" David pulled off his reading glasses and reached over to massage her calf.

Michaela gave him a weak smile. "I'd like to finish this first, if you don't mind."

David continued to rub her leg moving up a little higher now. He leaned over and kissed her hand letting his lips linger there for a moment. "You smell good."

"I smell like bathroom soap," she laughed.

David groaned and moved back to his side of the couch. "I'm trying to be romantic. You don't make it easy on a guy, do you?" A light blush sufficed Michaela's cheeks as she lowered her head a bit still smiling. "I thought maybe…." David's words faded off but he raised his eyebrows as he spoke conveying his message.

Michaela breathed in deeply, trying not to show the tension she felt inside. It had been a nice relaxing weekend and she didn't want to do anything that might start a fight. Her mouth pulled down at the corners. "I really need to finish going over these records. I am supposed to meet Sully tomorrow.

"Sully?" David looked at her quizzically.

"My buddy from group," Michaela reminded him. "He has a daughter in the NICU and he asked me to look at her records."

"Is this the guy that bust into your office last week?"

This elicited a smile from Michaela. "Yes."

David looked at her doubtful. "And you think it's a good idea to meet with him?"

"It was a misunderstanding," Michaela defended with her head down reading the neurologist's report. "And Will assures me that his bark is worse than his bite."

"Perhaps I should talk to Will…."

David's brow was furrowed and his mouth turned down when Michaela looked up at him. "You don't need to worry," she assured him. "Will knows what he is doing."

"You didn't seem so sure about that just a few weeks ago. I take it that you now have a favorable opinion on the grief group?"

Michaela cut her eyes over at David. "It has been helpful." The talk of group reminded her that she still had not made a plan for Thanksgiving. Deep down she couldn't help but think that this was going to be a fight and she knew that was why she was avoiding it. She looked up and touched David's shoulder which got his attention instantly. "I do need to talk to you about something."

"Okay," he said his tone indicating he was intrigued. He turned to face her directly which made Michaela more nervous. "What do we need to talk about?" He emphasized we in a way that made Michaela frown.

Michaela's eyes were focused on the records though she wasn't reading anything on the page. She took a deep breath and forced herself to relax before looking up. "My assignment for group this week is to make a plan for Thanksgiving."

David looked confused. "A plan for Thanksgiving? I thought we had a plan. I've already bought the tickets for Boston."

Michaela twisted her mouth to the side. "When did we say we were going to Boston for Thanksgiving?"

"When did we say we weren't?" David looked at her like she was being irrational. "People usually spend Thanksgiving with their family. You haven't been home since the funeral."

Michaela breathed out loudly as she looked down at the record in her hands again. She knew how important it was to choose her words carefully. "I don't think I'm ready to go home. "

"And Will thinks this is healthy?" The edge of anger was evident in David's voice.

Michaela wanted to withdraw from the conversation instantly. She wanted to say never mind and go hide in their home office. She hated it when David didn't even attempt to understand how she was feeling. "We haven't shared our plans in group yet," she admitted reluctantly. "But Will said to only take on what we can handle."

"Hmm," David sneered but instantly regretted it when he saw Michaela cringe. Trying to keep his own thoughts in check, he reached out to touch her hand. "Michaela you are a very strong person." Michaela raised her head and met his eyes trying to decide how genuine his words were. "I think you can handle more than you think you can."

"I don't know, David."

David smiled warmly and laced his fingers through hers. "I know," he said giving her hand a squeeze. "But I don't think the answer is not going to Boston for the holidays. We can stay at my parent's house if it will be easier for you." Michaela tried to smile. She could tell he was really trying and she didn't want to seem ungrateful. "I know your mother and sisters are really looking forward to seeing you."

"I'm not sure about that," Michaela said as she raised her eyebrows but she smiled at David regardless.

"Boston, then?"

David had that smile on his face that reminded Michaela of a little boy, the smile that at one time had won her heart. He was right she convinced herself. She could handle this. "Alright," she said ignoring any lingering unease. "We'll go to Boston and stay with your parents."

Pushing himself forward, David let go of her hand and wrapped his arms around her crushing the records between them. He placed a kiss on the top of her head. "I promise we will get through this together. Besides I'd love for us to start making plans for the wedding while we are in Boston."

Michaela moved back a little so that she could see his face but something didn't feel quite right to her. It wasn't anything she could put her finger on right then. She knew that the mention of the wedding should fill her with excitement and anticipation. Instead she felt in no particular hurry to make plans. Life was just too topsy-turvy right now. Perhaps in Boston, she would think clearer- have more excitement. But what if she didn't? Michaela swallowed hard and pressed her face back to David's chest; she didn't want him to see the doubt there.

* * *

The knock on Michaela's office door made her jump. She rubbed her eyes, the muscles tired from starring at a computer screen for the past hour as she tried to bring herself up to date on a malpractice case the hospital was facing. It was before Michaela's time as chief of surgery but that didn't matter. It was her headache now. The clock on her desk read quarter to six and she jumped up quickly. Whoever was knocking could wait- she was supposed to meet Sully in fifteen minutes.

She moved quickly to the door and opened it, planning on dissuading her visitor by leaving as they were coming. To her surprise, Sully stood there with two cups of coffee in hand and a bag tucked under his arm. "I'm early," he said unsure how to read her look of surprise. "Sorry."

"Don't be." She smiled and stepped aside so that he could come in. "I was just on my way to meet you."

"Got done with a job early today and came on over. I visited with Hannah for a bit than went on down to the cafeteria. The girl at the counter told me how you take your coffee and what kind of pastry you like. I hope ya don't mind."

"Not at all," Michaela said closing the door and having a seat in one of the wingback chairs. Sully set her coffee down on the cherry table and then handed her the bag with her pastry. "Thanks," she said watching Sully settle in on the couch. Her eyes met hers and she suddenly became aware that she was staring. Quickly she busied herself by opening the bag. Inside was a cherry cheese danish and it made her smile.

"Hope that's right."

Michaela looked up and nodded. "You didn't have to do this."

"I figured after the other day…" His voice drifted out and Michaela assumed he was still embarrassed about the incident.

"Sully, please don't worry about that." She stood and walked over to her desk to retrieve Hannah's files. As she turned, Michaela realized that Sully's eyes had followed her across the room. She felt her cheeks redden and demurely dropped her eyes as butterflies began to dance in her stomach. With quick steps, she made her way back to her chair and sat, opening the file immediately to cover her reaction. "I've studied Hannah's chart over the weekend and spent some time this morning talking to her neurologist." She took a breath and looked up.

Sully was still intent on her but this was different than before. This was about Hannah. "And?" he asked nervously.

"The good news is that I don't think anyone is trying to hide anything from you if you are worried about that. Hannah is stable and there is brain activity. She is making improvements but very slowly." Sully nodded and took a long drink of his coffee as he considered her words. Michaela felt nervous in the silence that followed and she tried to fill it. "The improvements may not be very noticeable because they are occurring so slowly in very small increments."

"But I got some hope?"

Michaela cringed at his poor grammar and instantly felt like a snob. "There is hope," she said hesitantly. "But things are very tentative right now. Hannah was born prematurely and we are not sure how long she was deprived of oxygen before she was delivered. Because of the asphyxia…." Michaela stopped abruptly, her cheeks reddening even more. "I mean because of the lack of oxygen, seizures pose a significant risk to Hannah."

"Yeah," Sully said with a nod of his head. "The doctor said that seizures could cause a setback."

Michaela looked at him sympathetically. "So the good news is that there have been no recorded seizures this week. She is also breathing some on her own which is really encouraging. But things are still day to day right now."

Sully looked down at the carpet, his mouth twisted to the side. Michaela felt awkward again but made herself remain quiet. Sully was thinking very hard about all she had said and he needed this time to process or to ask questions if he had any. Michaela picked up her coffee and took a small sip. It was a bit sweeter than she was used to but it tasted good. When she set down her cup, she realized that Sully was looking at her again. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Michaela smiled. "I didn't really do much."

"That might be true but you took your time to explain everything to me."

"Didn't the other doctors?" she asked, concerned that her staff's bedside manner might need some work.

"Yeah but I trust you." There was no smile to accompany the words but the intensity in his eyes spoke volumes. For once, Michaela was speechless. "Well, I don't want to take up anymore of your time." Sully stood picking up his coffee cup and gave her a smile. "Plus I want to get back up to Hannah."

Michaela, who had just been about to tell him that he didn't have to rush off, nodded. "Thank you Michaela." He extended his hand and Michaela took it giving a firm shake as she ignored the little jolts of electricity flowing from her fingertips. Sully felt it to and he ended the handshake abruptly.

"Anytime you have questions…" The look on Sully's face told her she didn't need to finish the sentence. She walked behind Sully to the door, noticing the way his jeans fit him. He stopped suddenly and she almost ran into him. With one hand on the door knob, he turned and looked behind her back to the table.

"You didn't eat your pastry."

Michaela looked confused until she followed Sully's gaze. "Oh… I'll eat it."

"Promise?" He raised his eyebrows as he asked, waiting patiently for an answer.

Michaela narrowed her eyes as she considered him. "I promise," she said unsure what to make of his response.

Sully looked satisfied. "Good," he said as he opened the door. "You're too skinny. You need to eat more."

* * *

_This is for my little owl who said pretty please….. I have had a crazy time getting my classroom ready in my new school. First day is Monday but hopefully life will settle back to my regular routine and I will post more !_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**_

**A Path Through the Dark**

**Chapter Seven**

Michaela hated being late for things but sometimes that was out of her control. For the past week she had been in a series of meetings trying to find a settlement between a patient and the hospital. If they hadn't been so close to a deal she might have left when she realized that she was going to be late for group. Instead, she had stayed and thankfully the settlement papers had been signed. The hospital was going to pay out a large sum but it was better than the bad publicity that a drawn out court proceeding would have caused, not to mention the cost.

Thankfully there was a parking space open right in front of the community center. She jogged up the walk and pushed open the red door. The girl behind the counter looked up and smiled at her. Michaela returned her smile and stopped for a second to catch her breath. She wished now she had looked at herself in the car mirror. Reaching up she tucked a couple of strands of hair that had fallen out of her bun behind her ear. What did it matter what she looked like? It wasn't like anyone in group was going to be judging her except... Michaela swallowed hard as she let taboo thoughts come to the surface momentarily. Sully. She breathed out heavily. This had to stop, she told herself.

Michaela started for the far hallway, her shoes making a loud clicking sound against the tile floor. She stopped outside of the door, took a deep breath and tried to enter quietly. It was no use though, everyone turned to look at her.

"Sorry," she muttered as she crossed to the circle. There was an empty seat beside Sully but it was on the far side of the circle. There was a closer one between Will and Dorothy. She made for this one as a conscious decision to not be fixated on Sully. Her head was down and she missed the brief look of disappointment on Sully's face.

"It's alright." Will was smiling at her. "We're just glad you could make it."

Michaela looked up to see a whole circle of smiling faces. Colleen even gave her a little wave. The last eye she caught was Sully's but then quickly looked away. "Thanks," she said quietly as she folded her hands into her lap.

"We were just sharing holiday plans. Do you want to share yours?"

Michaela inwardly cringed. There was nothing like being put on the spot. "Umm… okay." She smiled nervously. "We're going to Boston for Thanksgiving but I'm going to stay with David at his parent's house instead of at my parents. I don't think I'm ready to stay at my parents yet."

Will studied her face carefully making Michaela uncomfortable. "That sounds good," he eventually said but Michaela had the feeling he didn't really mean it. "We will miss you." Michaela looked at him quizzically. "It appears that we are going to have a group Thanksgiving," Will explained. Michaela looked around the circle where several were nodding.

"I'm gonna cook," Grace said.

"I'm going to help." It was Colleen with a wide grin on her face.

Horace was next to speak, his cheeks reddening as he did. "Most of us didn't really have anywhere to go."

"Or didn't want to face the emptiness." Dorothy added this, her eyes flickering over to Sully.

Michaela thought about showing up at Grace's house on Thanksgiving and it made her feel strangely warm inside. She couldn't help thinking how different it would be in Boston. "I'm sorry I'm going to miss it," she said, genuinely meaning it. This was somewhat of a ragtag group but she had become comfortable with them.

"Thanksgiving plans made but no one has mentioned Christmas." It was Will again, like the pesky fly in the room.

"Can't we get through one holiday at a time?" Matthew asked making the others laugh.

"Okay," Will agreed. "As long as everyone remembers that you need to be thinking about Christmas." There was a collective groan but it was good natured rather than real dread.

"See you all next week." He turned quickly to Michaela before she had a chance to move. "Can I talk to you briefly after the others leave?"

"Okay," Michaela said hesitantly. She couldn't help but feel like she had just been called to the principal's office. She arose and noticed Colleen headed in her direction, bouncing with each step.

"Hey."

"Hey," Michaela replied with a smile.

"I just wanted to thank you for getting me on the junior board at the hospital."

Michaela nodded. "You heard from any colleges yet?" She knew realistically it was too soon but she asked anyway.

Colleen shook her head. "Nah, not yet. December first is the early admission date for…" Colleen looked behind her to make sure Matthew wasn't listening. "NYU," she finished in a hushed tone.

"Colleen, have you ever been to New York?"

"No," she said. "It's crazy right. I want to go to a school in like the biggest city and I've never even visited there."

Michaela couldn't help but laugh. "It's not crazy," she assured her. "I was just thinking that maybe we should visit."

Colleen's eyes grew very large but then she shook her head. "I wish," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"Let me work on it. Alright?"

"But we could never afford…"

Michaela cut her off. "Let me work on it."

Colleen bounced on the balls of her feet. "Okay," she said breathlessly and then unexpectedly wrapped her arms around Michaela in a spontaneous hug. Michaela hugged her back and reveled in the feeling of joy that filled her chest.

"Colleen, let's go," Matthew called from somewhere near the door.

"Bye," the redhead squeaked and started over to her brother, turning to wave at Michaela again before she disappeared.

Michaela waved back with a big smile on her face. Others were filtering out now too and Michaela did not allow herself to turn to see if Sully was part of the departing thong.

"Hey."

She knew who the voice belonged to before she turned around. "Hi," she said trying to sound casual.

"Can I walk you out?"

Michaela felt her heart jump in her chest and hoped he hadn't noticed. "Will wants to talk to me." She cut her eyes over at Will with her crooked little smile.

"You in trouble?" Sully teased. Michaela shrugged playfully. "I wanted to ask you for a favor."

"Okay, what do you need?"

"I try to be at the hospital by four every day." He looked down suddenly. "I like to think that Hannah kinda of expects me."

Michaela realized that he was embarrassed and she spoke quickly to reassure him. "I'm sure she does." She touched his shoulder lightly as she spoke.

Sully looked back up, meeting her gaze and holding it. "Well next Monday I gotta be out of town for the night. I don't want to go but I gotta." Michaela nodded. "I was wondering if you'd sit with Hannah for a bit. I gotta routine I do every day and I could tell ya about it. Maybe you wouldn't mind doing it?" He was looking at Michaela expectantly.

"Why don't I come by on Sunday around four and you can show me what you do."

"You don't mind?"

"Sully, I would love to sit with Hannah. I'm honored that you would ask me." She stopped herself before she said something she would regret, dropping her eyes as she did. Michaela shrugged her shoulders, smiling at the floor now as she confessed, "Plus I really miss being with patients."

"Thanks," Sully said, his voice rich with emotion. Michaela looked up and again their eyes met with intensity. Sully caught site of Will behind them, waiting patiently. "I guess I better go. See ya Sunday," he said to Michaela and then turned walking quickly to the door before Michaela could tell him goodbye.

She called after him belatedly, "You're welcome." He picked up his hand and waved but didn't turn to look at her which disappointed Michaela.

"I see things have improved." Will was smiling at her as Michaela nodded. "I'm glad," he said. "I think you two are good for each other."

Michaela frowned. "That makes it sound like we're a couple."

Will laughed. "I guess it does. Sorry," he said.

"Just don't tell David," Michaela joked.

"Ah, David." It was Will's turn to frown now. Michaela looked at him expectedly. "I ran into David the other day."

Michaela breathed out uneasily. "You did?"

Will nodded, studying her face carefully. "He wanted to talk about your holiday plans. I think he was trying to get my blessing on the two of you going to Boston." He paused but Michaela didn't say anything. She looked uneasy but Will didn't know what to make of it. "I know you aren't necessarily my patient but I do feel that patient doctor confidentiality applies here. I didn't talk to him about it except to warn him not to push you into anything you weren't ready for." He didn't add that David didn't seem happy about that.

Michaela took a deep breath and tried to stop all the competing voices in her mind. "It would be strange not to go home for Thanksgiving. I always have."

Will raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Your father was always part of that though." Michaela's upper lip quivered slightly but she remained quiet as her eyes focused on a spot behind Will. "Michaela if you want, I'll tell David that I think this is a bad idea." Will's voice was quiet, his tone one of concern.

Pushing herself to smile, Michaela finally spoke, "That's alright," she said quietly. "I need to do this."

Will still looked uncertain but he nodded. "Call me if you need me." He pressed a card into her hand which later Michaela discovered had his personal cell number written on the backside.

Michaela nodded. "I will," she assured him.

* * *

Michaela was leaned over the sink scrubbing her hands voraciously when Sully entered the anteroom. Holding the door so that it closed quietly behind him, he stood there admiring the arch of her back and the fall of her hair. That same guilty feeling gnawed at his insides but he ignored it. There was no reason to feel guilty- they were both here for Hannah.

"Hey." His voice was low and gravely and it made Michael jump, after having been lost in her own thoughts.

"Hi Sully," she replied brightly as she moved over to dry her hands.

Sully came close bending over the sink to wash his hands. Michaela felt her heartbeat quicken involuntarily at his presence. She suddenly felt shy and unsure what to say. As he finished, she busied herself by handing him paper towels.

"You can't wear the ring in the nursery," Sully said as the large diamond on her finger caught his eye.

Michaela nodded. "Guess that shows how long it's been since I was seeing patients." She took off her ring and shoved it in her pocket. "Do we need to robe up?"

Sully smiled. "No, Hannah can be off the vent for longer now. Her doctor wants me to hold her as much as I can when I'm here. That's why I didn't wanna miss tomorrow." Sully paused and smiled at Michaela who still felt rather shy. "Come on, I want ya to meet my daughter."

Entering the NICU, Michaela was keenly aware of the seriousness of the place. Another family was off to the side, hands through the holes of an incubator rubbing whatever skin did not have a wire attached to it. She followed Sully to the far side of the room stopping when he did. A nurse was already there having seen Sully in the anteroom. She was disconnecting Hannah from the mechanical ventilator which helped her breathe when she wasn't taking in enough oxygen.

"Hi, Mr. Sully," she said as she worked.

"Hey," Sully replied. "Uh… this is Michaela Quinn. She's gonna stop by and spend some time with Hannah tomorrow since I got to be out of town. Do I need to sign something so that she can come by?"

The nurse grinned. "I think that Dr. Quinn won't have any trouble getting admitted into the NICU."

"Uh…right." Sully looked slightly embarrassed so Michaela suppressed her own smile. After all anyone else would have needed special permission.

Sully pulled his tee shirt over his head and sat down in the rocker closest to Hannah's incubator. Michaela knew skin to skin contact was best for preemies but she hadn't really thought through what that would mean. Momentarily, she was starring at Sully's naked torso, the color rising fast on her cheeks. She forced herself to look away, diverting her gaze to Hannah.

The tiny baby was still connected to many monitors but the main breathing apparatus was gone. The nurse cradled Hannah gently as she handed her to Sully. Sully smiled at his daughter and lovingly spoke her name before he snuggled her against his chest. The blanket now covered Hannah and Sully allowing Michaela to relax a bit. Michaela was watching the monitors wondering how long the baby could be off the ventilator. To her surprise, the second Hannah was against Sully's chest all of her vital signs strengthened.

"Come here," Sully said motioning her to come closer with his head. "Hannah, I want ya to meet Michaela. She's gonna come see you tomorrow while I'm away."

"Hello, Hannah," Michaela greeted the little girl leaning over to get a better view of the baby's face.

"Rub her cheek," Sully instructed. "She likes that." Michaela's hand trembled slightly as she lifted it and she couldn't help but to wonder if the nerves were because of the fragile baby or the shirtless Sully. Michaela gently stroked her cheek, amazed at how soft her skin felt. "You wanna hold her?"

"Okay." Michaela's voice sounded breathy alluding to her nerves. Sully stood carefully with Hannah still snuggled against his chest. Michaela took his place in the rocker and held out her arms.

"If ya unbutton your shirt a little bit it would be better." Sully turned to give her some privacy but Michaela knew her cheeks had to be scarlet. She was wearing a red tee shirt that buttoned straight down. She undid the top three buttons and pulled her shirt slightly so that her bra was not visible but Michaela could see that wasn't going to be enough. Swallowing hard she undid the fourth and fifth and tried to ignore the fact that you could see the small piece of fabric that connected one side of her bra to the other. She would be covered soon with the blanket, she told herself.

"I'm ready," she said. Sully turned back and moved Hannah away from his chest. The baby let out a weak cry and Sully made some soothing sounds as he laid her against Michaela's exposed skin. His fingers brushed the valley between her breasts as the exchange occurred. Michaela tried hard to ignore the warm ripples radiating inside her, focusing completely on the tiny creature in her arms.

"Hi Hannah," she said softly as her fingers stroked the baby's back. Sully looked on awed by the sight in front of him. Michaela felt tongue-tied, unsure what to say but she took Sully's cue and told her about her day. "This morning I had the best pancakes. They were from this little diner on the corner of Wilshire and Golden. They have blueberries in them and the juice just bursts in your mouth when you bite down on them." As she spoke the baby began to stir a little, weakly crying. Michaela continued to stroke her gently and quietly began to sing a song she had learned from her father many years ago.

"Over in Killarney, many years ago  
My mother sang a song to me  
in tones so sweet and low

Just a simple little ditty  
in her good old Irish way  
And I'd give the world if she could sing  
that song to me this day

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li,  
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, hush now, don't you cry!  
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li,  
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, that's an Irish lullaby."

The melody was sweet and beautiful and settled the baby easily. The nurse came close to check on them and stood between Sully and Michaela. As Michaela sang, Hannah began to purse her lips and root against Michaela's skin. The nurse took Sully quickly by the arm and whispered close to his ear. Michaela watched the interaction of the two as she continued her song. The nurse scuttled off as Sully moved closer and placed a finger against Hannah's back.

He spoke quiet and low, "Keep singing," he said. "We're gonna try to feed her a bit if you don't mind." Michaela nodded as the nurse reappeared with a small bottle. She handed it to Sully who put it near Hannah's mouth that was still searching for something. When the bottle touched her lips she allowed it inside and began to suck.

Michaela had finished the last line of the chorus by now and she stopped singing, watching in awe as the baby fed. She could feel the muscles of Hannah's jaw working against her skin and she marveled at how motherhood must feel. Hannah stopped sucking after only drinking about an ounce but from the nurses' reaction this must have been a huge milestone. Sully still held the bottle as the nurse took the baby into her arms and began to massage her back to work out any air that might have been sucked in during her feeding.

"She's never latched on like that before," Sully told Michaela as the nurse worked on reconnecting Hannah to the ventilator.

Michaela couldn't help but to smile as she stood. "That was amazing. Thank you for letting me be a part of it."

"Thanks for sittin' with her tomorrow." Michaela sort of shrugged as he watched Hannah now safe inside her warm incubator.

"Are you going to stay for a while Mr. Sully?" the nurse asked. "We could try a second feeding a little later if you are."

"Yeah, I'm gonna walk Dr. Quinn out but I'll be right back."

"You don't have to," Michaela protested but Sully had already grabbed his shirt and was moving toward the door.

"Would ya mind calling me tomorrow when ya leave and let me know how it went?" he asked as they moved into the anteroom.

"No problem," Michaela said with a smile. They were almost to the hallway now and through the glass in the anteroom Michaela could see the elevator opening. David stepped out and spotted her giving a little wave as Sully pulled his shirt over his head. Michaela suddenly remembered her own shirt was unbuttoned and she quickly began to redo them.

"There you are," David said looking strangely at the two who were emerging from the anteroom.

Michaela laughed nervously and Sully did too. "Sorry," she said to David, "We were holding Hannah – you know skin to skin." She smiled again at Sully her cheeks bright red.

Sully had a little smirk on his face as he sized David up. He had never met David before and the only things he knew about him is what Michaela had said in group. From those few words he couldn't say that he liked the man much. Standing here in front of him, he wasn't impressed either.

David nodded but still looked at her dubiously. "You ready to go?"

Michaela frowned at her fiancés rudeness. "Let me introduce you to Sully."

"Oh, right – sorry." He extended his hand towards Sully who shook it.

"Sully this is my fiancé David."

"Nice to meet ya," Sully said cordially.

"Same here," David replied. He then grabbed his keys out of his pocket and took a step back towards the elevator.

Michaela exhaled loudly but didn't say anything. She turned towards Sully again. "I'll call you when I leave tomorrow night."

"Thanks again."

"It's not a big deal," Michaela assured him and then turned to follow David. Sully was still watching the two of them when she turned in the elevator. Michaela gave a little wave and he returned it just before the elevator doors closed. "You didn't have to be rude."

"I wasn't," David said defensively. "I'm just hungry." He grabbed her hand and pulled her in close. "But that little show up there made me hungry for something else."

"David." Michaela said his name in a warning tone but he was not deterred. "It wasn't like that."

"From the look on Sully's face, he liked the show too."

"David!" She was clearly getting angry now.

"Sorry," he said playfully. "But it's true."

"David," Michaela said forcefully. "He just lost his wife."

David shook his head. "I don't care if his wife was in the nursery holding their baby. Every man is going to look." Michaela wanted to argue but she knew there was no need. "Who wouldn't look Michaela?" He pulled her in against his side again, wrapping his hand around her waist. "You're beautiful and smart and amazing." He held out the last word as he nuzzled her cheek. "And the best part is that you are all mine." Guilt flooded Michaela's chest.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. David let go of her waist and grabbed her hand as they walked off the elevator. Michaela suddenly remembered that her engagement ring was still in her pocket. She reached down and felt its outline through her jeans and made the conscious decision not to put it back on.

* * *

_If you are unfamiliar with An Irish Lullaby you can listen to it on you tube. Thanks for reading!_


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